


you say (I am strong when I think I am weak)

by xSophie2x



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Cuddling, Feelings, Finding your place, Goodbyes, Love, M/M, Movie Night, Sad Ending, Sadness, Struggling with place in the Pack, Struggling with worth, Uncertain Theo Raeken, faults, for now, past mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:49:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28904412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xSophie2x/pseuds/xSophie2x
Summary: Theo struggles to fit in with the Pack even after everything that's happened, everything he's done and all the mistakes he's made still lingering in the back of his mind, haunting him, and he goes away to figure himself out. Liam is heartbroken that Theo can't do this next to him.
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken
Comments: 8
Kudos: 27





	you say (I am strong when I think I am weak)

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo... This is me writing some things down through Theo, some things that have kept me busy, writing away some things if you will, and it's a bit angsty. 
> 
> And also I really wanted Theo lying down on Liam's lap :D
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy it anyway! :)

“You know they’re never gonna accept me, right.”

Theo said, and it came out of nowhere during his and Liam’s movie night, watching the film quietly. On the screen the movie played, an action packed scene in a story about four high schoolers getting sucked into a video game who were now only relying on each other to survive, and it took Liam a moment to register his words. When he did though, looking over at Theo blinking confusedly, he realized the kids helping each other and seeing the strong bond they’d developed so quickly through the shared experience, must have hit a little too close to home for Theo.

“What? Who?” Liam asked, pausing the movie turning his attention towards Theo.

“The Pack,” Theo clarified, squeezing his hands together in his lap, the corners of his mouth pulled downward unhappily, “I’m never going to be good enough”, and Liam sighed, taking him in realizing that _this was serious._ Seeing the complete sudden shift in Theo’s mood, the way he retreated in on himself, he wished he could go back and have picked another movie.

He turned to Theo, leaning forward with a soft smile on his face, giving him his full attention and resting his hands down on Theo’s leg.

“T, of course they will,’ he started, slowly, carefully pronouncing each word to show he was as sincere as he could be, his voice warm. “They’re working on it. We are all working on it. Scott includes you in everything. And if I had to say it, _honestly_ , you’re already Pack. _You’re_ Pack.” And he made sure emphasis the words, catching Theo’s gaze carefully but surely and holding it, even though it hurt him to see so much doubt and pain in the chimera’s eyes, so much insecurity, making his heart ache.

“I’m not though,” Theo pressed out, sounding close to tears now, and something sharp stung painfully in Liam’s chest upon seeing the beginnings of tears starting to pool in Theo’s eyes, watering. And not for the first time, he wanted to yell at the Pack, wanted to make them see how much they were hurting Theo, anguish rising and his nails pressing into the palms of his hands, so hard he was clutching his fists. “They’re just this… They’re all so _good_ , they’re good people, all sticking together standing by each other no matter what, and I’m not… Where I killed Josh, Scott carried Kira out of Eichen House against all risk. Where I shot Malia, Stiles was helping Lydia to get out of Eichen House. Where I planned to take everything from you, Scott managed to fight against me and succeed by being who he was, by having a good and kind heart…! And I’m just… On the outskirts, not out but never quite in as well, treated as the eternal outcast, and why should I expect anything different? I’m not… Good, like them. After everything I’ve done, why would you want me in the Pack? How can I blame them?”

And Liam shook his head, silently, not _believing_ what he was hearing, what Theo was saying, and it hurt, the burn in his chest so real he clung onto Theo’s hands tightly. “Because you’re _my_ Pack. And I need you,” their legs pressing closely together. Liam’s heart was pounding, and his head was racing too much with too many thoughts for him to possibly know how to form them into coherent sentences, for him to make Theo see everything he’d done for him. “You’ve saved my life. You’ve saved me from doing things I would regret for the rest of my life. You ground me. You keep me calm when I think I’m getting restless, when I think I’m going to burst,” and saying it, had made Liam realize how much he meant it like never before, the truth of it burning in his chest, desperate to get it across.

Had he killed Gabe, or Nolan, he would’ve hated himself, would’ve never forgiven himself for that in his whole life, and Theo saved him from that. He knew nothing, nothing he was gonna do, would ever be quite enough to thank Theo for what he’d done for him. And Theo didn’t even realize how deeply Liam felt that, how much it was still coursing through Liam’s veins even now. “And, you’re trying to paint me a picture here, trying to tell me all the bad things you’ve done and how perfect the Pack is, when you’re forgetting that they all have issues. _We_ all have issues, too. You’re just not seeing them because you’re setting yourself apart, you’re so wrapped up in what went wrong for you, in what is still going wrong, that you can’t focus on that. But, Theo”, and Liam wrapped his hands tighter around Theo’s again, warming them shuffling closer to him, catching Theo’s attention as their legs pressed together, the other boy’s watery eyes and tear-streaked face meeting his eyes, trembling.

“You were made into something you didn’t even understand, experimented on, _at nine years old_ , and that’s not something you should blame yourself for, at all. And Scott’s too stubborn, thinks he can save everyone, and believes he should get the deciding vote on who deserves a second chance and who doesn’t. And Stiles is too stubborn and needs to be right, like, all the time. And Malia is often still aggressive. But you shouldn’t let your view of yourself stand in the way of seeing that. But you shouldn’t put them on a pedestal and lower yourself, because that’s only gonna make other people view you the same you do yourself. Because you’re _amazing_. T, you need to stop comparing yourself to others.”

Liam was a little out of breath after his rant, and he held onto Theo’s hands tightly, both of them clutched in his and their legs pressed together closely. He held Theo’s teary gaze, his face unsure, _amazed_ , his eyes watery and body trembling slightly.

“Do you… Do you mean that?” he whispered, pushing the words over his lips, barely daring to look up at Liam, and Liam’s heart broke at seeing him so unsure.

“Of course I do,” Liam whispered back, his words catching Theo’s attention the boy looking up at him, and Liam gave a soft smile, trying to get across _desperately_ how much he did, and _hoping_ that, just for a moment, Theo would believe too. “I really do.”

“Come on,” he uttered gently when Theo didn’t answer, his hands trembling slightly under Liam’s but seeming to think about Liam’s words, lost in his head with them, and Liam softly patted his jeans. “Lie down.”

“What?” That, immediately, seemed to have pulled Theo out of his thoughts.

Liam smiled, a soft curl of his lips tugging gently at his lips. “Lie down,” he repeated and he gestured towards his lap, and he helped Theo to get comfortable, holding onto his upper arm tightly to steady him, until Theo lay down with his head in Liam’s lap.

He lay stiffly for a moment, uncomfortable deciding what to do and if he should move to get more comfy, before he relaxed, his whole body relaxed, he let out a sigh closing his eyes for a moment, and Liam smiled down gently at him, stopping for only a moment before reaching out and starting to comb his fingers through Theo’s hair. Theo turned his head, a content sigh escaping him.

Liam couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face, wider hurting his cheeks a little bit. “What do you say we finish that movie now?” he leaned forward over Theo just a little more, uttering the words in a quiet whisper.

And Theo nodded, seeming so relaxed that his eyes drooped every now and then, he lay completely relaxed and let out a sigh, seemingly not capable of anything more, and he had never resembled his wolf form more. Liam simply thought it was endearing. “Sounds… Good to me…” Theo managed, before his eyes were fluttering shut again.

Liam smiled, brushing his fingers through Theo’s hair gently and silently telling him to _ssshh, relax, it’s okay_ , his chest warm incredibly with feelings that had been buried there forever, begging, screaming to be let out, wishing he could just have Theo close like this forever, and he pressed play on the movie again. With how content Theo had gone in his lap, how quiet, he wasn’t sure if the other boy was even still watching. But still he didn’t stop raking his fingers through his hair.

*****

They slept soundly that night, in the double bed next to each other in the bedroom. Liam was turned towards Theo, his whole body open for the other boy, that night he dreamt only of Theo, their hands brushing together their arms touching, and come morning, Liam had wrapped himself around Theo entirely, like a koala clinging to its tree.

When he woke up, it was to the cold spot next to him in bed, and Theo was gone.

Liam blinked, looking around wondering where he was for a moment, needing a moment to wake up and break from his groggy haze, before he recalled the previous night, and the memories came flooding back in. _Movie night. Theo, wondering about his place in the Pack._ _Ending up with his head in Liam’s lap._

Liam jerked, shooting up, looking over at the empty spot beside him, his head snapping over, _Theo’s side_ , and he swatted the covers away, rushing to get out. “Theo…!”

Beneath him, downstairs, he heard noises, of someone scurrying around, fast, and Liam’s heart skipped a beat, his heart dropping ice settling in his stomach, somehow feeling that this was not good. He jumped out of bed, barely putting on a t-shirt and stumbling over his feet in his haste to try and pull his pants on and get downstairs. _No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening. Not after everything that’d happened, not after the way he’d felt the night before, and remembered thinking wanting to keep Theo close forever._

He found Theo downstairs, in the hallway with his shoes on, his hair disheveled sticking out in different directions, his eyes tired and with dark bags under them, car keys dangling from his hand.

Liam stopped in his tracks, sucking in a breath holding it, staring over at the chimera with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open, feeling the panic starting to set in in the back of his mind.

“Liam…” Theo started, defeated, though Liam could hear in his voice that he had no answer to this, no proper explanation, and his shoulders tensed, squaring them holding his head up high and crossing his arms.

“…Where are you going?”

Theo stayed silent for a moment, staring over at him with a look as if Liam should be able to guess just from that, rubbing a hand over his face tiredly, and the worst part of it all, _Liam was able to._ “I just need to get out of here… For a bit. I… I need to… I need to deal with these issues on my own, this is not going to be fixed with anyone else, I just need to work through them alone, get rid of the hurt of being on the outskirts. I just need some time to get myself in order, and then I’ll come back.”

Liam understood. _He understood._ The way Theo had felt the night before, the way he’d let Liam know he felt, that wasn’t just gonna go away. Not overnight. That needed more time, and of course it did. And he hated how resolute Theo made it sound, like he needed to be on his own in order to fix the apparently unseemly feelings he had.

“Then let me come with you!” he hurried the words past his lips, unable to stop his voice from coming out desperate. No good could come from Theo being on his own with this, that would only increase the hurt, he needed someone to talk and be able to vent to. It wasn’t good to keep it all bottling up.

“Liam…”

“Let me help you!” Liam’s voice cracked now, and he hated that he couldn’t stop it, panic and desperation and _anger_ at Theo for seeming to leave, to leave him behind, lacing his voice and clouding his mind, like a thick fog he couldn’t think straight, and he hated how pleading he sounded. “Let me help you”, his voice broke, his heart dropping.

Theo stayed silent, looking over at him with a frown seeming to consider it, and Liam could feel a tiny spark of hope lighting in his chest again, under the dark fog of emotions swirling there, begging to come out, though it was snuffed out again as Theo’s face turned pain, and he shook his head. Just the tiniest shake of his head, as if he couldn’t manage anything more, knew that he was breaking Liam’s heart, and his eyes darkened, though underneath that, Liam saw nothing more than a boy who looked tired.

Utterly and entirely exhausted.

“No,” Theo managed softly, stepping closer towards the front door turning away, before turning back towards Liam once more. “I don’t even know what you’ve seen in me all this time.”

_That_ broke Liam’s heart, at Theo for seeing himself so lowly, _angry_ at him for having so little faith in him, for _leaving_ , rising hot inside of his chest and thrumming through his veins, and he would’ve yelled it at Theo for being so goddamn insecure that he would rather run away than face something scary together with him, if he didn’t see a quiet, unspoken spark of _thankfulness_ in Theo’s eyes, for letting him stay with Liam all this time. That was the one thing that held Liam back, made him want to step forward and grab onto Theo’s hand more than yell it at him.

“You don’t have to go,” his voice came out desperate, pleading, and his cheeks burned with it. “I could help you, you could stay here, where it’s comfortable, you won’t have to survive on your own anymore.”

Theo wavered, hovering by the door hesitating, seeming to think about Liam’s words, and Liam’s mind almost screamed _victorious_ , party poppers already exploding in his head, when Theo made up his mind and he shook his head, his face going carefully blank hiding all of what was going on inside of him, just like before, and Liam felt his heart was _crushed_.

“I’m sorry,” Theo pressed out hoarsely, voice strained and eyes red, that was the only sign he enjoyed and appreciated staying at Liam’s, being whisked away from his truck in the cold and being offered a home, that he was grateful too and had liked it, and he pulled the front door open.

The sun shone bright, Theo stepping out into the light, but it was no matter for the thunderstorm raging inside Liam’s mind, racing thoughts and rain swirling wild and tumbling over each other, too fast and too big for him to decide what he felt.

Then Theo was gone, and Liam fell to his knees, big tears dripping down his face falling on the carpet, banging his fist on the floor and wishing Theo was already back with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by the song 'You Say' by Lauren Daigle. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it! :)  
> Let me know what you think, comments make my day! :)


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